Most readers will probably not get the title, but it's an allusion to the Miley Cyrus song which was featured in my post last time. Anyways, not much has happened in my life these past few weeks, and since I am becoming a crotchety old man, I have found some trifling things to rant about in society. But before I step on my soapbox, two immediately memorable things that have happened lately, some "everytimes," a popular music observation, and the seven things.This is also long and it is recommended to read in multiple sittings. (Ahem, granny and gramps).
On Monday morning at 1:30, while I was nearly resting, I came across a happenstance, whose irony left me weeping. Caution: this is going to be an anecdote whose comic value vastly depends on whether you witnessed it (translation: it won't be funny). Any-who, I was at my friend Addison's room with another friend named Kelly. We were going to write our papers together to keep each other focused. Never happen again. I failed to take my strattera that morning, which means my focus is greatly curtailed as the day progresses, and my true attention deficits emerge. Having said that, I had the most trouble focusing ever. I finished a 4-page rough draft in like 2.5 hours. Terrible efficiency. Nevertheless, I was a whopping 16 times more efficient than my two friends. You can figure out how much they got done. Yes, their efforts (or lack thereof) were that futile. My nazi, fun-draining, drill sergeant tactics I've learned from my stern, demanding mother over the years worked to no avail. Anyways, this was not the point. The point is, after this episode, I was walking through the halls of Duren to go down one floor to my dorm to doze. I take the stairs. Always. I open up the door to go enter the stairwell to find my dear friend and BYX brother, Jeremy.
No it is not that unusual to happen upon people sitting in the stairwell. Students often do it to have phone privacy if their roommate is in their room. The peculiar thing, was that Jeremy lives down the hall from me on the third floor. He often hangs out with lots of his friends on the fifth floor. I however came across him in the fourth floor stairwell.
This also alone is not entirely peculiar. There could be acceptable explanations. What was amiss was that he was zonked asleep. Passed out (figuratively) against the wall. I don't know if you have ever seen a homeless person resting or either passed out against the side of a public edifice, but this is what Jeremy most closely resembled, containing all of the telltale signs: 1)head slightly tilted back, mouth agape, as if he lost consciousness right before taking another swig of whatever liquid of choice filled the bottle concealed in the brown paper bag. 2) curved lower back with one leg straight and one leg bent at about a 60˚ angle to prevent the rest of his listless body from sliding down the wall. 3) one hand resting on said bent leg with the other on the floor by his side.
I quickly took this in, caught completely off guard and hesitantly said, "Jeremy?"
You of course don't know this, (unless if you're Joe Shields), but Jeremy is a very high energy kid, and thus inherently easily excitable. These qualities combine to make Jeremy very easily startled. And he lets you know when he is startled. Once I was waiting outside his room while he was getting changed. As he came out the bathroom, his roommate scared him by donning a crazy, disfigured, morbid halloween mask and jumping at him. Jeremy's reaction would have been audible to at least a person with a mild-moderate hearing impairment. I'm sure people on the above and below floors all briefly paused to contemplate the outburst they just heard, and its possible causes. Anyways, Jeremy was also caught off guard by my presence and did one of these numbers, only slightly more mild.
Apparently he was taking a break from working on a paper. I told him he should go finish that paper. He did. After going upstairs to talk to people, and staying up the whole night. Oh, Jeremy.
In my Educational Psychology class we were discussing how to combat classically conditioned responses, and we had to brainstorm ways to use counterconditioning to combat math anxiety. (If you are bamboozled by my psychological jargon, wikipedia does wonders. Just read the first paragraph, that's usually all laypeople need to know). The solution my group came up with (jokingly, mind you) was as follows. Math anxiety is a higher order conditioning in which failure in the past was repeatedly paired with math, which eventually starts to unconditionally provide an anxiety or fear response in the learner. To countercondition, you pair the conditioned stimulus (math) with something that will counterbalance the conditioned response (in this case anxiety/nervousness). Now, most groups incorporated math games, candy, or stickers into their solutions. We went the extra mile. We decided to procure copious amounts of medicinal marijuana for our elementary aged students, have them get blazed, and then work their math problems worry free. Sounds great, right? It's funny because it's outrageous, and we all want to be teachers.
For my bilingual reading tutoring today, my first grader at the end of our time had to make turkey feather saying things for which he is grateful. After explaining to him what "grateful" means, he sat there and thought for a few seconds. He looked at me excited and said, "You!" My heart melted.
This past week, on two separate occasions, two random, unrelated songs randomly got stuck in my head. "As Long as Your Mine" from Wicked was the first. This is understandable: Wicked is awesome. What isn't understandable is how Shania Twain's "Rock This Country" got stuck in my head. I honestly haven't heard that song since my dad blared Shania in elementary school. Nonetheless, it made me laugh audibly.
Two Tuesdays ago, I was introduced to glee. I have now watched all 10 episodes to date. Me gusta mucho. Even though it is at many times corny/cheesy. Even though at times the vocals are edited (not Lea Michelle/Rachel though, she is a beast). I love most of the musical numbers, the characters of Sue (Jane Lynch) and Principal Figgins (some random Pakistani actor who's had recurring roles on TV shows) are awesome. Plus, Artie, played by Kevin McHale, is a Planoite who graduate from West a few years back.
What is a citizen from Plano called?
Everytimes. These are things I have found that elicit a strong emotional response from me every time they happen. Every time. Without fail.
Listening to the "Finale" from Les Miserables. (Finale starts at 4:20) I get chills. Every time. Usually when the ensemble starts the "Do You Hear the People Sing," or when Eponine and Fantine do the minor sounding harmony (I am not very musical so this is egregiously wrong terminology).
Talking about/watching the Mens swimming 4x100 freestyle comeback win anchored by Jason Lezak in the 2008 Bejing Olympics. (race starts at 0:43, is 3.5 minutes long). I didn't know this gave me chills until we started talking about it in one of my classes. (I am a huge Olympic nut. I love them. I watch everything: I even love curling and team handball, so you know I get passionate about the important sports.) Swimming is so epic because comebacks are gradual. Halfway through the last length, when you see Lezak is gaining, you start going nuts.
At any sporting event, when they sing the Star Spangled Banner, and you can hear the entire crowd singing along. Emotional ending. Everyone is momentarily united, even if it is a colts/pats, yankees/red sox, lakers/celtics game. Chills.
You've probably seen or heard about the story of Dick Hoyt. If you think you haven't, you have; you just know him by what he did, not by his name. I can't describe it in words. watch this one for the first 2:40 for background. Then this one for race shots/sentimentality. This makes me cry every time. Or at least tear up.
This is just on observation. That led to another observation, whose revelation is not so revelatory, but just common sense. It took me an astounding 18.5 years to realize that lyrically, the song "Cotton-Eye Joe" is painfully repetitive. The song consists of 15 verses. The opening is verse is repeated 12 times, while another verse appears twice. A song that is 3:10 long has two original stanzas. So how was this a hit? Why because it had an easy to do dance to go along with it. You can churn out trash, but as long as it has a dance, it's going to be a hit. Cotton Eyed Joe. Wait, writing one stanza and repeating it an umpteenth number of times is too hard? Simple! Just sing instructions. Wait, you can't sing? It's okay, just say them. Boom. Cha Cha Slide. But it goes on: electric slide. Cupid Shuffle. Wait, you want to popularize a song that is beyond demeaning to women, and have little girls and kids of all ages sing it? It's okay, just make a dance to go with it.In summary: want a pop music hit but are completely devoid of musical and lyrical talent? make a line type dance.7 Things. This is where I rant. Invective/diatribe for the win (even though these are not harsh enough to be considered that). Some are serious. Some are sarcastic. Some are both.1. It has come to my attention that Taylor Lautner is the new hottie of choice for teeny boppers across America. I see how he can fit some traits of the ideal man, but come on! It takes more than just what Scott Gorthey calls being "incredibly cut" to be all around aesthetically appealing to the opposite sex. If you don't know that, you haven't learned anything from Disney at all. I will now use my very limited knowledge of Taylor Lautner (which comes from the girl who sits besides me in Educational Psychology and does nothing during class but shop online, play Farmville, and look at pictures of Taylor Lautner) to compare how he scales up to what Disney tells us is the ideal man.
Admired by his hometown
Possessing a Thick Neck
A swell cleft in the chin
Characterized as an "intimidating specimen," worthy of 5 "hurrahs" and 12 "hip-hips"
Good at fighting and arranging lights
Good at Biting in wrestling matches
Burly and brawny, having biceps to spare
A body whose every last inch is covered with hair
Proficiency at expectorating
A large diet of eggs
Being roughly the size of a barge
Particular skill at shooting firearms
Boots as a common occurrence in daily wardrobe
Profuse amounts of antlers in personal decorating
I don't know much about this wereman, but I am confident he lacks more or less 11 of these critical points. That's a Paltry 3/14. So what is so great about this yuppie besides maybe being "burly, brawny" and "hav[ing] biceps to spare," what does he have going for him? He seems far too much of a pretty boy to expectorate. I can say quite confidently there are probably some newborns with more hair than him. I have never seen him tromp around in boots or shoot a gun. On a musically unrelated note, he wears gratuitous amounts of hair gel/wax whatever it's called these days. Demetri Martin anyone?
2. It has also come to my attention that Facebook fan pages are becoming quite popular. I do not bite my thumb at this concept. This is a very viable means of
2. It has also come to my attention that Facebook fanes are becoming quite popular. I do not bite my thumb at this concept. This is a very viable means to build publicity for companies, celebrities/artists, politicians, nonprofit/charitable causes, and products. However, I have seen many pages whose titles logically should not have a fan following, such as declarative statements, "I hate..." or assertions. These should be group names, not fan pages, which brings me to my next point. I have also noticed that these mindless facebook users with the propensity to incessantly declare their fanship to pages tend to be kids in middle school. These kids should not be on facebook. All of their friends they most likely keep in touch with live within a 20 minute drive. They see each other everyday at school, and likely on the weekends. Stop spending excessive amounts of time on facebook, joining excessive numbers of pages, and clogging up my newsfeed with things I don't care about. Log off facebook until you're 17 and have friends in college before I hide you, or better, unfriend you. Furthermore, it is evident you don't understand the concept of inflation. When you are the fan of over 400 pages, it really devalues how much your support really means. Alex, for instance, is currently the fan of 390 things, since she is an 8th grade girl, this number has probably increased since I typed it. She is a fan of cookie dough in about 15 different ways. Gummy and sour snacks about 10. She is also a fan of Barack Obama once. Wow, I'm glad to see that you care about our president 1/15 as much as cookie dough, and that you are equally passionate about "Oh sorry G2G bye *Appear Offline* ...thank god that's over" (which doesn't even make sense). If I were that celebrity/politician/musical figure, and I could see what else you've put out for, I'd be disgusted. I somehow want to incorporate a witty sentence about easy girls/guys who devalue being intimate with someone by doing it with everything that walks, but that would probably be inappropriate.
My third rant is also facebook related. Through my many years of education in secondary and post-secondary institutions, I have found that many people blame their unproductivity (new word) on things like facebook or skype. This annoys me to no end, and I must confess, I often judge these people as being unintelligent (at least with their time) or at the very least unmotivated. Good learners (Self regualted learners) regulate their metacognition, motivation and emotion, and finally their environment to maximize their learning. I am far from being the best at managing my time and doing tasks, but when I sit down to do things, (excuse my french) I get shit done. People who complain about this are basically saying this, "Hey, I 'wanted' to get this homework done, but facebook distracted me! I only needed to have microsoft word open to write this essay, but I can't not automatically log on to facebook the second I touch a computer. I didn't get to finish my work. Darn you facebook. This couldn't have anything to do with my lack of maturity in time management. This isn't my fault."
Lil Wayne's voice. Basically it sounds vile. Gross. Disgusting. Perverted. I hear his voice and think he belongs at a classless strip club. People that listen to him probably get photographed while smoking weed in bongs, get DUI's at 19, are jerks of people, but are extremely successful at swimming.
FML. 99% of those stories are just people complaining about inconsequential inconveniences and seeking attention. Their life doesn't suck. They probably have people who care about them. They probably are well enough off since they have access to the internet. And they probably don't have cancer or any terrible disease/disability. Learn how to adequately express your frustration without using primitive profanity. MLIA is indescribably better.
Facebook games (farmville, etc). Get off facebook. If you have plethoric or unconscionable amounts of time to kill, spend it with a real video game. Or even better, do something productive.
I now have to go off on things i haven't prepared to fulfill my titular allusion. Fortunately I thought of one. College Football Rankings, Heisman this year, and the BCS. It's evident that besides the top like 5 teams, no one has any clue who the hell is better than who. I think it's kind of a joke. I think it should be a more breakdown of like elite title contenders, seriously great teams, great teams, good teams, etc, like a tier based ranking. Heisman race: Mark Ingram is great, but if you look at Ingram, you must also seriously consider Toby Gerheart of Stanford. He is a beast. He has 32% of his team's yards, and 23/45 of their touchdowns. Ingram ha 28% of his teams yards and 15/37 of his team's touchdowns. I think Toby Gerheart is better, and am glad he is now getting consideration. Finally, I don't think anyone likes the BCS but Tim Cowlishaw. Literally everyone wants a playoff. People say there isn't enough time and that it wouldn't generate enough money. Well, I say phooey. Take the top 16 ranked teams. Yes there will always be controversy as to the last like 2 or 3 who get in, but they'll probably just get crushed anyways. College football regular season ends in like the first week of December. It would take four weeks to do a 16 team playoff. You could do two before Christmas and two after. College students wouldn't be on campus during this time, so it could be played around the country in regions like March Madness. Companies could sponsor each round, or quarters of the bracket. Schools could get money for getting in, and each successive round win by the company who sponsors that round. We would have a decisive champion. Wait, you say this way only 16 teams get money from corporations? Why not have a second tier tournament, like an NIT of football? Everyone loves march madness. Everyone loves having a winner. Football is more popular than basketball. Wouldn't a two tournament system be huge marketing? Pox on you FBS. We never actually have a "champion" in the truest sense of the word. Only a team that is thought to be the best because they've only played one other elite tier team when it mattered most.
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